First love: hurt, break your heart and trying to forget

First love Photo
First love

First love: hurt and trying to forget. Why first love is often broken? Could first love become a marriage?

The first person you kissed and the first to break your heart. 

You watch as he moves on and you try too, to other boyfriends you try to be happy with. Your first love, the one you watch cheat, hurt you, move on to other women. Hoping to still see the best of him.
But what was it you loved? Was it the constant torture of wondering when will he break your heart again, the manipulation that it was your fault why he was the way he was.

He tells you he loves you, kisses you, ma-kes love to you, yet makes excuses you cannot be together, it does not work, you both cannot get over the past, he blames you and complains you move on without telling him, yet moved on to several.

You feel in a no-man’s land of where you should be with him, what you are to him. This has been the attempt of getting over your first love for over some years now.

You write down a plan how you can get over your first love, you message your friends as a distraction, in your mind you think they are sick of you talking about him, trying to understand.

Life changes both your paths, yet he never supported your path. You tried to accept and understand his.

You go through every memory of you and him and wished your memories were not that strong. You remember your first time you met, your first kiss, his bad boy antics, the first time he cheated and broke you, the first time he said he wanted you back and you loved him so you did, only for it to end again.

What is it about our first love that gets us? It sets the path for future loves and the memories and lessons we learn we take to the next and depending on how we learn, will depend on how the next relationship will work. 

You write, text, chat with your first love, hoping that things have changed and you can rekindle, he then results back to his bad behaviour and you wish you could just put up with it and accept it, but it hurts and you wish he would respect you enough not to not care about you. You want a family and saw him as that, he makes excuses not to be with you and you feel you will never come off the roller-coaster of how you love him.

You wish you didn’t feel the way you do about him. You move on to other relationships, trying to forget him, notice yourself speaking about him when asked the question ‘why are you single?’ 

You are asked if you would ever go back to your first love and vow ‘no never, not at all’ yet in the back of your mind you wish you did’t not remember him.

You discover your first love has moved on, after giving you all the excuses to not be with you, one of them was you were an hour away for university. Yet his new love lives 564km away probably Lagos, and you see how keen he is on her. You question yourself, what was wrong with me, why did he not want to be with me. He told you you would be the only person he would marry.

So that keeps you near him. Yet if you would be the only one he would marry, why can he not be with you?

We never get over our first love until we chose to. Until we remove that thought of him/her and the future he or she has planted in our minds. We have to chose to move on as this will not happen over night.

A first love stays with you until you chose to remove him/her from your memory. It hurts now to decide that you want to remove him from you, however the pain will not stay, nor will the weight of him/her on you.